I joined a coaching course with Mal Krishnasamy (@malcpd) on Saturday mornings, just to touch up and refresh my coaching skills. I’ve met some wonderful people and am loving the coaching conversations.
Today was just time for us. No coaching for a work issue, just us. So I decided to tackle a subject close to my heart, and that will resonate with many reading this.
Close friends and loved ones have always said I’m a giver. I will continue to give of myself physically, mentally and emotionally. I love it. I enjoy helping people and if I can bring joy, and light to people’s lives, it brings joy to mine. I love sharing food, knowledge, laughter and taking care of people, hence I end up taking a lot on at work.
What I would like to do is give to myself at times. Fully and whole heartedly. However, that puts me in an uncomfortable zone. The narrative in my head is “how am I helping anyone by giving to myself?” And yes, my mind knows how it helps… and putting your own oxygen mask on first etc. Don’t get me wrong, I do my gi gong style breathing exercises, meditation, visualisations and attend spiritual growth and development courses etc. I’m talking more on the physical level, like taking time out to read, exercise (getting there on that one), watching movies, writing etc.
During my coaching session today, with @rebeccacoronil practising being my coach, I said this:
“I would like to spend more time reading, writing, watching films, exercising etc. however I feel I need to shift my focus by a few degrees because I know, a few degrees is all it’s going to take for things to fall into place for me….”
After listening to me, and understanding the kind of person I am, my coach in this session, (Rebecca) made me reflect on whether I was trying to change too much in one go. Furthermore, the “observer” noticed use of my language and the repetitive phrases of “should…need to….supposed to….when my phone is switched off it’s a relief.” This was all very telling.
Then came the revelation from my coach… “Amyfie” it! Whatever you do, just “Amyfie” it so you are still using your values and who you are, benefitting others and yourself at the same time! There’s no point in trying to change yourself!
Well, I never expected that! And then I explored things I could “Amyfie” so it wasn’t such a big change. Also slowly building over time doing other things I enjoy, would help me reduce taking on so much at work.
All it required was a few degrees shift in focus.
Examples of things we discussed:
- Going for walks which I knew I should (there’s that word again, “should”). I hated the cold, I didn’t want to wrap up. Now I don’t go for a walk, I go out to listen to music. Mindful listening to all kinds of music and just being in the zone. As a result, I end up walking an hour to hour and a half at a time, and just return when my mind feels clearer.
- Reading. In order to “Amyfie” reading, I could explore book clubs, or maybe share what I have read and blog a few key ideas so everyone benefits.
- Writing. To share my reflections and journey (which those of you who know me, know its been quite a challenge and some stories I will share, others best just left to rest!) and the wisdom I have gained over time. Again, hopefully people will connect or find something useful. So I will still be sharing, but will Amyfie it.
- Movies. I do love watching films. I just need to give myself a set time and switch off, rather than having the narrative “I should be doing…”. I could join a film club? Apparently Disney channel has something where you can comment on films seen. Alternatively, re-immerse myself in movies like I used to, and switch my phone off.
In order for me to start feeling I can do the things I would like to do, all it required was a few degrees shift in focus to “Amyfie” everything. Now the impossible seems possible.
What degree shift in focus will you need to help you make your desires a reality or achieve the balance you need to achieve?
Thank you for taking the time to read this post and feel free to send me your thoughts and ideas or DM me @amyjeetley